How to respond to email on dating site

Please take a swing by my profile and if you like what you read, get back to me and we'll take it from there. My best advice is to make sure you ask a question in your email.

2. The double whammy of boring AND partial to inappropriate pet names!

That is, give her something to write you back about. I can't count the number of emails I've gotten on the personals where the person just tells me about themselves or what they think of my profile but they don't actually say anything that I can comment on so all that does is put the ball in my court to come up with a break the ice letter of my own and unless your profile is stellar, that's probably not gonna happen.

I'd like to respectfully disagree with the first answerer: It almost certainly leads to no good on a first date. I cannot begin to emphasize the necessity of spell and grammar checking your email. Also, it's not a bad bit of habit to write a draft, get away from it for an hour or so and then come back and read it again.

And don't take it personally if the woman doesn't reply. Oops, that should be "What did you like best about it? I met my boyfriend of over 3 years on OkCupid. When I was doing the online dating thing, I tended to immediately reject e-mails that were: For obvious reasons or perhaps not so obvious? Some online daters seem to have a hard time with that. Humor always helps, as does politeness. Oh, and this isn't directly related to your Q but I agree with just about everything above.

You don't have to worry about whether your participles are dangling heh ; writing like you did in your question is fine. Too long and you run the risk of looking clingy or creepy. Too short and you'll come across as lazy and generic. Try not to use the most obvious conversation starter in her profile e. Including a specific but open-ended question is a good way to get a response. Most guys do this. Just about anything else is better. If she has a photo up and you're messaging her, it's pretty much a given that you find her attractive.

Online Dating Etiquette-When NOT To Respond To Emails

If she's conventionally attractive, it's been in every single other email she's received. If she's not as conventionally attractive, she may be worried that you won't find her as attractive if you meet in person and you might not. Some compliments are fine, but be more interested in her personality than her looks. You mention that you're interested in a relationship and "settling down" -- if you find the right person, that will happen eventually anyway.

If you talk too much about your goals for a relationship, you might come across as desperate. I'd recommend developing a rapport before suggesting an actual date. There's nothing less attractive than a guy whining on his blog about how no one ever responds to his emails. I'm going to respectfully disagree with awesomebrad. It seems to me that his suggestions match how men prefer to interact online, which is obviously fine if you're a gay man, less good if you're heterosexual.

I'm a straight man, I've spent a fair bit of time on online dating sites, and the impression I get from women on those sites is that the following, as posted by minervous , are good approaches 1 well-written and grammatically correct; 2 clearly written to me, responding to my profile; 3 funny, witty or thoughtful, and; 4 brief.

Penis photos I've seen many many women explicitly ask not to receive these 2. One sentence messages "Hi, wanna meet up? Messages that show you clearly haven't read their profile, or that are obviously being cut and pasted to dozens of women. Get used to disappointment. There are usually more men than women on these sites, and a lot of men are messaging a lot of women.

Your message is one of many, and statistically will probably be ignored. I personally got my best results from women contacting me, not vice versa. So make your profile as good as you can make it, and maybe they will come to you then again, I'm not American, it may be different in your country. No offense to Schuby, but: Hi, you look like an interesting individual. Hello, I see that you are a female. We could discuss how compatible we are. Our Internet summaries appear to match. Be indecisive, ask for a date, or say you're compatible.

Actively try to start up a conversation that both of you can contribute to somehow; find something low-pressure that you would both enjoy, without playing e-mail ping-pong or pushing it in the opening volley "Hey, since you're into THING, there's a THING exhibit at the MoMa next week that looked great. Let's check it out, if you're down. Also, be more interested in her than in a relationship. Totally on the nail. Because the personal itself is informal and brief; it's the first short step to the next short step the introduction.

That leads to the next short step talking to find out if a date might be fun , which leads to the next short step the date itself , and so on. First step, show that you are interested in the person. Relationships happen or they don't. In my experience, if you click with someone, you email for a few days to a week before meeting in person. More solid gold here. Don't open with the date, but don't go back and forth forever. Either you want to meet at some point or you don't, right?

See if you're on the same wavelength, then suggest something fun to move on to the next short step.

19 Reasons I Didn't Reply to Your Online Dating Message - New York Cliché

His e-mail was short and simple paraphrasing: On the weekends I like to hike and take pictures. I'm ideally looking for a long-term relationship but I can always use more friends. Take a look at my profile and let me know if you're interested in chatting further. I'm not dumb, if you're looking for a relationship then I assume you'll eventually want to have sex with that person.

But unless you're looking for sex Right Now, don't mention it. If his hobby is World of Warcraft, we're probably not a match. If you have, in fact, scaled Everest or won the Nobel Prize, don't mention it in the very first e-mail. I replied with something to the effect of "Sure, let's chat sometime," and his second email included his real name, phone number, and the best time to call. He also included some photos of himself engaged in his hobbies rather than him obviously trying to look sexy.

Be funny, articulate, polite and confident. It works online and off. Don't make her looks the first thing you mention. Don't tell her you're looking to settle down just yet. Don't tell her anything about what you're looking for "in a woman" like she's a Toyota. In your efforts to be funny, don't resort to juvenile epithets such as "It was so retarded" and "That is so gay" Spell yer grammar good. Quoting movies can be an icebreaker, but not if it's Silence of the Lambs. Save that one until you know her better. Don't stress over it.

This is supposed to be fun for all involved. If your first e-mail is too carefully composed, it's going to show like the trembling hands of a nervous dork. Dobbs, I can authoritatively answer that your assertion about the winks and the paying is not true. I ought to know; you can memail me if you'd like to discuss it further. Oh, also, under no circumstances should your profile picture be of you playing a guitar. Or standing next to your car.

Step 8: How to respond to your first message

Those are instant deletions. The exception to this is if you're rocking the fuck out on stage with your band and someone took the picture from the audience! And you don't look like a pompous guitar masturbator. Basically, if you look like Steve Vai on stage, leave the picture out. If you look like Ted Leo, you are golden. Make sure to ask a specific question related to her interests or her profile. If you just talk about yourself or write a generic "how are you? Don't knock yourself creating the perfect most clever email ever.

Keep it simple, short, and personalized to her lots of good advice above. Remember that your profile and pictures are just as important as the email. Spend some time on getting those right. Even the wittiest email won't mean much if you don't have an interesting profile to support it. Think of this as a fun dating obstacle course: When you write to a woman, she'll read your message, see your face, and then with any luck click on your profile to learn more about you before writing back.

Those are 3 separate things she has to see and like, and any one of them can be a stumbling block. Your goal is to get her to your profile and writing back to you, so make sure each of those pieces is good enough to keep her going forward with you. One more on the photo: Please do not put up a photo of you and a woman and just chop her out of the photo. Every time I have seen a photo cropped too close on one side, and a strange female arm coming out of nowhere, I have quickly moved on.

Nthing the advice to ask her a question about something in her profile. Something like "I find you interesting" makes her do the work to start the conversation--she has to figure out what it is that you might have in common. Make it easy for her to respond by giving her something specific to respond to. Never ever do this. I'd go a little further with this and advise that all your photos be of you only. It doesn't matter whether the other person in your photo is a Playmate or your eight drinking buddies or your infant daughter or Kofi Annan. The purpose of the picture is so women can see what you look like; it's better to leave the rest to your written profile.

Group shots are often blurrier and less flattering than individual photos. A lot of really good advice in this thread so far. Avoid anything that sounds like spam. Don't talk about attraction. If they seem real, pick one or two things that stood out to you and discuss them, or disagree, etc.


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This is good because these are the women that every other guy has e-mailed and they're all falling over themselves to compliment the girl; distinguish yourself by asking if that picture is actually of her mom. In the same vein, feel free to accuse her of actually being a man, or having horrible grammar or vapid interests, etc. Ask her a question or two so she knows what to say in the reply.


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Don't tell her what you do for a living or where you live in the first e-mail. Keep some mystery so she wants to write you back. Oh, and unless you are very, very attractive or very, very confident, don't be self effacing. You're not likely to be written back if you've already started issuing disclaimers. Associating with women is bad? Guys typically do it when the other person was a previous significant other.

To women, it gives the impression of potential bitterness and raises the thought of "Do you really not have a photo of yourself that shows you exist on your own?

Why do men I meet online keep asking me for weird sex?

If someone's profile seems too good to be true but you're still interested in them, mock them. Good advice, although it's a subtle art, and it will fail repeatedly until you figure out how to do it correctly. Agreeing to say do show that you have at least read their profile, and you're not just sending the same email to other women. But don't overdo it. Funny is good, but be gentle Trying too hard has an unmistakable smell to it. Personally, I have been more open to people who are straightforward and say what they want, e. Us girls love compliments but that can be dangerous territory, so check with a female friend to make sure you're going about it the right way.

Be sincere and light Send out a lot of emails just to get comfortable with the process and to see what kind of feedback you get from your efforts. You will find it easier to hone your emailing skills with all that practice. In the end, no matter how good your email is, if they aren't into you, they just aren't into you. When I get emails from someone I am just not into, I really don't know how to reply in a non-hurtful way maybe the subject of a future question here! You seem really nice. If you're interested, I hope to hear from you soon. Have a nice day! You say your name. This shows you are being upfront and honest, and not a stalker.

You compliment her, without swooning. Imagine reading an advertisement for a product you were interested in, with a footnote that read: Imagine me coming over to your home. You would think I was annoying. Which is maybe judgmental of me! But there you go. You are a fascinating person with a broad range of interests and accomplishments.

You have included them all here. Think about the real-life parallel: You would share just enough information to intrigue her. Cut the length of your profile in half. Think that when you meet someone you really like, who really likes you, you will have plenty of time to discuss your hopes and dreams and favorite foods. In truth, there are a lot of women who are also looking for long-term commitment. But keeping in mind the idea that an online profile is like an initial introduction, bringing up a lifelong relationship as a goal on first online encounter might scare a lot of people.

Omit your future plans here — if you and a potential partner have a future together, you will have plenty of time to bring it up. One personal question is cute and fun; a list of personal questions can feel like too much work. Think conversation starters, not an entire conversation.